January 13, 2012

Quarter life crisis


I really feel like I'm having a quarter-life crisis. That sounds dramatic and I don't even know what that means really but I don't know what else to call it. I do know that I'm 26 and feel like I should be farther along in life than I am. I've never been a person with a "life plan", meaning I've never said to myself (or others) "by xx age I'm going to be married and by xx age I'm going to have a kid and by xx age I'm going to own a house." But now that I'm 26, I feel like I'm in the exact same place that I was when I was 22. Granted, I graduated college and I live on my own, which is more than I could have said at 22, but I'm still single, still living paycheck to paycheck, still living in my hometown, still not happy with my weight, sitting alone on a Friday night writing on my silly little blog. I feel like a total lame-ass, for lack of a better word. I feel like so many people in my life are engaged or married, moving away, starting their lives as adults, and here I am, same shit, different day.

I feel like I missed my chance to move away and create new experiences for myself. When I started college, my plan was to move to a big city like Chicago for a few years right after graduation, and then come back to Columbus when I was ready. Well, my mom died my senior year of college and I could not leave my dad, so I moved in with him when I graduated and worked temp jobs until I finally got hired on full-time at my current organization. Now, I feel like it's too late to move away. I really don't know if I want to move away necessarily, leaving my sweet baby niece or my dad with all his health issues. But then I think about if I had moved away, where could I have been by now? I know it's not worth thinking "what if?" but I can't help it, since I'm not doing very much in my current situation.

I hate to complain and I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just saying I'm disappointed with where I am right now. I absolutely cannot stand when people are all talk: if you don't like something, change it. That's why I got serious about losing weight last year; I was tired of always feeling fat and saying I was fat and never really doing anything about it. I feel like I'm a pretty intelligent human being and when I want something, I have enough drive and determination to achieve it. But right now I don't really know how to change my circumstances so that I'm genuinely happy with myself and my life at age 26. I feel behind of where I should be, behind everyone else. And I'm not sure how to change that.

Don't get me wrong; I am so thankful for my health and the health of the people that I love, for living so close to my family and for having a job that I love, which is more than a lot of people can say. It's just those other things, those "life" things, that I'm missing and don't know how to fix it.

This post is strictly a "speak my mind" type of post. I'm hoping I can look back at it at the end of 2012 and see things in a different light. Until then, I guess I'll be working on getting to where I want to be.


  1. I've been there girl! Remember that I just got married at 30. After ending a 7 year relationship when I was 26, I felt like I was starting ALL OVER when everyone else was getting married and having kids. But I clung to my family's support, put myself out there, devoted my time to TNT and once I felt like I was getting my act together, I met the hubby. Everyone takes a different path but if you want certain things, then keep trying to make them happen until you find yourself content and happy with your life. If you aren't happy, then keep searching! HUGS! And BTW, I'm home alone on a Friday night writing on my silly blog also. :)

  2. Here's a pro to your cons: you are doing things in order. College. Job. Rest of your life. You could have done things backwards (college, bum, girl, 2 step-sons, own kid, job)...everything turns out ok if you are near with family and friends. Steady income is the key. Family is here and the rest will follow. Oh and Zuck maine hasn't charged for Facestalk yet...still time to get on twitter (follow me @jamiedupler)