Haitus

Happy May everyone! I feel like I've been looking forward to May since January. There are lots of fun things happening this month that I cannot wait to get underway. One of the most important things is all the way at the end of May but every weekend from now until Katie's wedding is booked so hopefully the month will fly by!

I haven't been posting as often as usual. Some of that is due to my busy schedule, both professionally and personally, but another reason I haven't been as consistent is because I'm starting to get down on myself about my appearance, weight, all that fun stuff. I think a lot of it is because I read a few healthy-living blogs regularly and I've been comparing myself to those other women a lot more lately than ever before. I'm not sure why; it never really bothered me before and I've actually learned a lot of healthy habits from these wonderful women. However, more often than not recently, I look at their pictures and I feel inadequate as a blogger and a healthy individual. I feel like I should look like them because I do pretty much all the same things they do: exercise regularly, eat a majority of my meals healthfully (even eating most of the same foods they do), and occasionally splurging on some not-so-healthy-but-tasty treats. However, they have lean, strong, fit bodies and I....well...don't. It's not like I've gained any weight recently and I'm most certainly not "blaming" these women for anything; in fact, they are the reason I decided to start blogging in the first place. I'm just starting to doubt myself and get in a negative space that I really don't want or need to be in. Comparing myself is 100% on me obviously. So taking a step back from the blog is so I don't spiral back in to my bad habits that I've worked towards breaking for 15 months now. In reality, I will probably never look like these women just based on our body types, but reminding myself daily how "inadequate" I am isn't helping me with any of my goals, weight-associated or otherwise.

What I'm trying to say is you will probably only see sporadic posts from me until I start to feel better about myself again. I'm on the verge of tears as I write this because I feel like a failure both with blogging and weight loss but I know I need to focus more on what makes me happy right now instead of what doesn't. And right now, blogging isn't making me happy.

I appreciate those of you who read my ramblings, your comments and suggestions, and most of all your support. Hopefully if/when I start training for my full marathon this summer/fall, I'll be back at it. But for now...

Stay classy salty sweaters!